Why Most End-of-Life Doulas Have Never Supported a VSED Journey—And Why That's Okay
As awareness of Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking (VSED) continues to grow, more families are searching for end-of-life doulas who can help guide them through the process.
Many are surprised to learn that most end-of-life doulas have never supported a VSED journey.
That isn't a criticism of the profession. It's simply a reflection of how specialized VSED care is.
Every Doula Brings Different Expertise
End-of-life doulas come from many backgrounds and develop different areas of expertise over time.
Some have extensive experience sitting vigil at the bedside during the final days of life.
Others specialize in advance care planning, legacy projects, family communication, grief support, home funerals, or helping families understand their options after death.
These are all valuable skills.
Just as no physician specializes in every area of medicine, no doula can be expected to have extensive experience in every aspect of end-of-life care.
VSED is one of those specialties.
Why VSED Experience Is Different
Supporting someone through VSED requires more than understanding the natural dying process.
Families often need guidance with questions such as:
Is this an appropriate option for our loved one?
How do we talk with the physician?
When should hospice become involved?
What if hospice has little or no experience with VSED?
How do we prepare family members for what they may see?
What comfort measures are most helpful?
What happens if unexpected challenges arise?
Every person's journey is unique, but these questions arise often enough that experience matters.
Someone who has walked beside multiple families has likely encountered many of these situations before and can help everyone feel more prepared.
You Don't Have to Choose Between Local and Experienced
Families sometimes think they have only two choices:
Hire a local doula with little to no previous VSED experience, or
Working with an experienced VSED doula who is not local.
In reality, there is often a third—and better—option.
An experienced VSED doula can partner with a trusted local doula.
The experienced doula can help with planning, education, coordination, healthcare navigation, and problem-solving, while the local doula provides in-person companionship, respite for family caregivers, bedside support, and valuable knowledge of local resources.
Together, they create a stronger support system than either could provide alone.
This collaborative approach also benefits the local doula, who gains experience and confidence that can help future families in their own community.
Collaboration Benefits Everyone
One of the things I enjoy most about this work is collaborating with other doulas.
Every VSED journey is an opportunity to share knowledge, answer questions, and build confidence together.
As more doulas gain experience, more families will have access to knowledgeable support in their own communities.
That benefits everyone.
Rather than viewing VSED expertise as something exclusive, I see it as something that grows through mentorship, collaboration, and shared experience.
Families Deserve Transparency
When you're interviewing a doula, it's perfectly appropriate to ask about their experience.
Questions such as these can help you understand whether they're the right fit:
Have you supported someone through VSED before?
Approximately how many VSED journeys have you been involved with?
What role did you play?
Have you worked alongside hospice teams?
Have you collaborated with physicians or nurse practitioners?
If this situation becomes more complex than expected, what additional resources would you bring in?
There are no "right" answers.
In fact, a doula who says, "I haven't personally supported a VSED journey, but I'd welcome the opportunity to partner with someone who has," may be demonstrating exactly the kind of honesty, humility, and teamwork you want.
The Best Care Happens Together
The goal isn't to find the one person who knows everything.
The goal is to build the right team.
That team may include family members, physicians, hospice professionals, nurses, clergy, friends, volunteers, local doulas, and experienced VSED doulas working together.
When everyone focuses on the person's wishes and collaborates with respect, families often feel more supported, more confident, and less alone.
No single professional has all the answers. But together, we can create a compassionate, informed circle of care that honors the person's goals and values throughout their VSED journey.
If you're exploring VSED and aren't sure where to begin, start by asking questions. Whether you work with a local doula, an experienced VSED guide, or a combination of both, the goal is to build a team that understands your values and can help you navigate the journey with knowledge, compassion, and confidence.
If you'd like to learn more about evaluating VSED experience and finding the right support, I invite you to read my companion article, "How to Find a VSED Doula—Even If There Isn't One Near You.
